I have never been the best sleeper in the world, perhaps one of the worst if anything and I’m no stranger to long, agonising phases of being awake for five times more hours than the regular person, but I had started to actually settle into a reasonable routine until recently, thanks to a few nights in hospital after an operation. I won’t get into the operation details though, all I’ll say about it is prescription painkillers knocked me on my arse and that pretty much shook my routine into shape.

So what changed? It wasn’t the lack of painkillers, as I’d stopped taking those a few days after coming out of hospital and I was still sleeping at night perfectly. It’s not the lack of smoking weed either, which is a topic I’ll get into in a different post. So what is it?

Anxiety, stress and overthinking mostly, I can’t quite get out of my head for long enough to really focus on resting, and recovering from the body trauma I’m dealing with after my recent operation. Not only is it essentially slowing down my recovery at this point, but it’s also affecting other parts of my life including my general waking day, making the whole ‘functional adult’ thing a lot more difficult than it needs to be.

I’m anxious because I’ve spent the last two years being ‘legally’ attacked by a family of hypocrites and bigots, people that refuse to accept anybody that isn’t exactly like they are. I’m constantly worrying about when the next attack is coming, and how it’s going to happen. I’m stressed because even without dealing with the family mentioned above, I’m still contending with more than I feel like I can handle with life in general. Overthinking is the worst though, I’m overthinking about everything that makes me anxious, and everything that causes stress, the the point the overthinking is actually making the other ‘two’ issues much harder to deal with, especially when I’m lying in bed at night with nothing else to do but battle with my own mind.

Right now I’m trying to find something I can do to try and relax myself a little bit at bed time in aid of getting some real rest, but as of yet my search isn’t proving very useful. Even while writing this post, it’s 3am and although I can barely keep my eyes open, I can’t close them either.

Don’t worry if any part of this post is confusing, or seems out of place, I’ll be writing out dedicated posts that’ll speak about everything in more depth, this post is pretty much the REAL ‘introduction’ post for the blog, almost everything I’m likely to write about here will have some impact on my sleep.

If you’ve managed to find this blog and have read this entry, thank you for taking time out of your day to read about mine, I don’t know you, but I appreciate you.